By Meg Folsom
The start of a
life-changing time for me began on Saturday in June 1980. I was living
in Winter Park-- very close to St. Richard’s Episcopal Church.
Besides being divorced with a 13-month-old son, I had a severe
drinking problem. That Saturday I
awoke very angry with God for this horrible situation. I put my son in his
stroller and walked to the church.
The Rev. Barry Howe was the rector at the time. I barged into his office and told him how awful my life was and how angry I was at God. Father Howe told me it was OK to be angry with God. I just remember thinking -- WOW. I didn’t tell him about my drinking problem ---just everything else. In hindsight, he probably saved my life by what he said to me that day.
For the next two weeks my life got even worse, which was hard for me to believe. I needed to find a place to live with my son that I could afford on my earnings of $4.00 an hour. I called lots of friends. They were OK with my son and me staying a day or two, but they didn’t offer us a permanent location. I was on my knees crying to God, “Please help me!” I kept hearing, “Call your parents.” I had always said if I ever have to move back home, it would be the end of me. But I listened. I called my mom. She agreed to let us come home, but only if I would quit drinking. Of course, I agreed because we desperately needed a place to stay. However, I had no real intention of not drinking. I just needed to get myself together.
The next night my mom took me to an AA meeting. I was scared sick and didn’t know what to expect. Some wonderful women introduced themselves and told me I wasn’t a bad person trying to get good, but I was a sick person trying to get well. They said I never had to drink again… one day at a time. No one had ever told me that before. The next day I took one more drink -- my last one. From then on I did as they advised…I did not drink, one day at a time. On June 18,1980, I attended another meeting. I was told to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and if I wanted to drink after that, I could. During that time I went to an AA convention. I was having such a hard time forgiving myself for all the horrible things I had done while drinking --especially where my son was concerned.
An Al-Anon speaker looked at me out of all the thousands of people there and said, “ If you have asked God to forgive you, and you haven’t forgiven yourself, who the hell are you? Are you better than God?” I cried so hard I didn’t think I would ever stop. Finally, I was able to forgive myself and start on my road to recovery.
The Rev. Barry Howe was the rector at the time. I barged into his office and told him how awful my life was and how angry I was at God. Father Howe told me it was OK to be angry with God. I just remember thinking -- WOW. I didn’t tell him about my drinking problem ---just everything else. In hindsight, he probably saved my life by what he said to me that day.
For the next two weeks my life got even worse, which was hard for me to believe. I needed to find a place to live with my son that I could afford on my earnings of $4.00 an hour. I called lots of friends. They were OK with my son and me staying a day or two, but they didn’t offer us a permanent location. I was on my knees crying to God, “Please help me!” I kept hearing, “Call your parents.” I had always said if I ever have to move back home, it would be the end of me. But I listened. I called my mom. She agreed to let us come home, but only if I would quit drinking. Of course, I agreed because we desperately needed a place to stay. However, I had no real intention of not drinking. I just needed to get myself together.
The next night my mom took me to an AA meeting. I was scared sick and didn’t know what to expect. Some wonderful women introduced themselves and told me I wasn’t a bad person trying to get good, but I was a sick person trying to get well. They said I never had to drink again… one day at a time. No one had ever told me that before. The next day I took one more drink -- my last one. From then on I did as they advised…I did not drink, one day at a time. On June 18,1980, I attended another meeting. I was told to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and if I wanted to drink after that, I could. During that time I went to an AA convention. I was having such a hard time forgiving myself for all the horrible things I had done while drinking --especially where my son was concerned.
An Al-Anon speaker looked at me out of all the thousands of people there and said, “ If you have asked God to forgive you, and you haven’t forgiven yourself, who the hell are you? Are you better than God?” I cried so hard I didn’t think I would ever stop. Finally, I was able to forgive myself and start on my road to recovery.
My life hasn’t
been a bowl of cherries. I’ve gone
through divorce, illness of a child, death of friends and parents, and the diagnosis of cancer.
BUT I’ve also been
given many joys -- a new marriage, the births of two beautiful girls. The opportunity (through my work) to be
the “other mother” to wonderful
children, and bringing new life into this world. After Meagan was
born, I ran a daycare in my home for 12 years. When Nicole was ready for
preschool, I closed the daycare. I then became interested in childbirth
and went on to become a birth assistant working with a midwife in Winter Park.
In addition to doing these things, I now teach childbirth education classes and work as a lactation consultant helping new mothers with breastfeeding.
Best of all, I have kissed my children good night without alcohol on my breath. I’m proud to say I haven’t found it necessary to take a drink since that day--30 years ago.
I thank God and AA for loving me until I could love myself.
In addition to doing these things, I now teach childbirth education classes and work as a lactation consultant helping new mothers with breastfeeding.
Best of all, I have kissed my children good night without alcohol on my breath. I’m proud to say I haven’t found it necessary to take a drink since that day--30 years ago.
I thank God and AA for loving me until I could love myself.
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