My Spiritual Awakening
Sandra Costin
I attended a Catholic school through eighth grade. The church and the school were both located at the bottom of a high hill. To help the residents living on the top of this hill, the church rented a beer hall which also served as an additional location for Sunday services up there - eliminating the Sunday transportation problem. It was in this beer hall that I first began attending church. Consequently, my first real church experience was in bar room with folding chairs. The place stank with stale odors of smoke and liquor consumed the night before. The supply priest, with his back to the congregation, said the service in Latin. My mom would drop me off so I could attend; then she would drive away. I remember feeling abandoned and confused.
My first Christian mentor, whom I call my "earth angel," was Grandma Mary. She came to stay with us once a year and even slept with me. Each night she would pray aloud for a long list of people. She was the happiest person in my life at that time. She loved the Lord - inside and out. She was definitely my first Christian role model and a "seed planter" for me. [Now as an adult, I follow her example by praying nightly and by reading my Bible.] When she was not there, I lived fearfully. Although my future seemed hopeless, I still dreamed of what a good life could be.
I married my high school sweetheart. In spite of my being blessed with two daughters, my 30-year marriage was a failure and could be described with these words: co-dependency, betrayal, depression, resentment, jealousy, self-pity, pride, divorce, rejection, guilt, and al-anon. However, I continued to dream of a happy future which included traveling someday - seeing such places as the Sistine Chapel in Rome. Although I had some hope, I was relying on myself to make it happen.
In 1994, after my divorce, I met another of my "earth angels". Betty Harris, a first grade teacher in New Jersey, asked me to help out with Vacation Bible School. During the last 30 minutes of the last day, she told the students to turn in their Bibles to John 3:16. The first child to find it was rewarded with reading it aloud. Hearing this verse -
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
It began to dawn on me that it was I who was broken, wounded, and even a sinner. I had never thought about that before. However, I did know that every day was painful and hard. I felt my life was futile with no end in sight. I realized I was in desperate need of this SAVIOR. That day I heard these words in my heart - not just in my head!
"For the Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearances, but the Lord looks on the heart."
Later that day, I asked Jesus Christ into my heart. I sobbed for three hours - happy tears! In spite of this new joy, my life did not change immediately.
My next "earth angel" was Jan. She asked me to be her helper at the Geneses Nursery School located in the Presbyterian Church. I began learning the Bible along with the three, four, and five year olds. What a loving environment to be in at such a painful time in my life!
God knew what I needed before I knew. I could not go on any longer by myself, because myself was what got me into this mess in the first place. He was truly showing His love for me. I handed Him a huge list of my needs. My husband was gone, and my daughters were acting out. I had a seventy-nine cent check balance. I had a house and yard to keep up. I was contending with appointments, lawyers, a crisis invention therapist, restraining orders, and court dates. My mom was dying of cancer. And it goes on and on... Inside myself I was saying, " I can't! I can't!" But GOD could! And Jesus came to my aid just as the Bible says God keeps His promises.
God heard my cries and has given me more blessings than I ever dreamed possible. Dick, my husband now, is truly heaven sent, and we are blessed with nine grandchildren. Since our being married, not only have I gotten to see the Sistine Chapel in Rome, but we have actually experienced living with other cultures in West Africa where the people truly love the Lord. We have even lived in Saudi Arabia where Christians worship in secret, or at the embassy, or on a military compound. And now... we live here in Florida and are a part of a loving church home! It is amazing what God does! My life has been transformed!
I am still co-dependent, but now it is on Jesus.
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